illegal immigrants

You'll know by now that there is an advert on the TV for the Woolwich Building Society. Indeed, this is probably why you're here.

What is being advertised is, basically, a very long, low-rate mortgage that means you'll only have to pay a small amount to them when you buy your house. The advert goes something like:

Opening scene. Close up of two passports showing middle class white people. presumably implying they're at the airport/customs/passport control.

Close up of fat passport controller. Controller says: "just how long have you been in Jamaica?"

fella: "We been honeymooning for 15 years"

woman: "We chill right to the core..."

now. leaving aside the obvious stereotypes of white-man-goes-to-jamaica-becomes-chilled-out and people-in-jamaica-have-dreadlocks-and-are-chilled out (not to mention passport-controller-fat-uncomfortable)

what annoyed me the first time i thought about this was that, if they'd been in jamaica for 15 years then their passports would have expired. British passports only being valid for 10 years after all.

if they'd had new passports issued by the embassy in Jamaica (not that the embassy would of course, but maybe there's a hypothetical situation when this might happen) then their photos would have been far more recent and show them at lest a little bit suntanned and 'chilled' besides which, you need a visa in Jamaica for stays of longer than 90 days.

Then I thought, fuck it, at least when I go home at night, I don't have to try to explain to my children why I had to take a job being the hilarious 'white man back from jamaica covered in boot polish' that their friends are rightfully teasing them for.

I wonder who he is. If you know, or it's you, email me and let me now!